paglambing (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
paglambing) wrote2022-04-10 11:05 pm
paglambing) wrote2022-04-10 11:05 pm
Entry tags:
i've loved and i've lost
fandom: the boyz
pairings: past sangyeon/sunwoo, past juyeon/sunwoo, past younghoon/sunwoo, established hyunjae/sunwoo
rating: gen
word count: 956
other tags: non-famous, second person POV, based on thank u, next
A/N: so the what it isNt photoshoot happened... that's basically it... i also wanted to try writing in second person POV again after so long, so consider this as an experimental piece! it's also the outcome of a few writing sprints so it's pretty rough, but so is everything else on here honestly... i'm not sure if i'll ever write any of my longer fics like this but if it works then i might, we'll see :,)
♥︎
one taught me love
You often hear about people with first love smiles.
Sangyeon—according to your totally impartial, unbiased, objective judgment—is one of those people. You think about his smile on a daily basis, the way it always always always reaches his eyes in sheer glee, and you wonder when you’ll be the recipient of that smile again.
“Text me when you get home, OK?” He asks.
“I will, hyung. Thank you.”
“Of course,” he says. Then he ruffles your hair and smiles (there it is). “Anything for my favorite dongsaeng.”
The thing is, you hear people talk about their first loves just as often. It’s either nothing happens or they don’t last. Sangyeon would be one of those people, too—you know nothing will come out of this. Nothing will happen, and that’s fine. First loves are meant to be placed on a pedestal; you admire them, you respect them, you don’t get any closer.
But Sangyeon is just this side of close enough, ticking off nearly every requirement to become someone’s first love: the boy next door, the class president, the varsity favorite. A heart as big as his dreams for himself. Textbook reasons you’d fall for someone.
And you carried that torch until you graduated. You never told him, he never found out. But even when your feelings finally ran their course, you never forgot about him.
And that’s the thing about first loves, isn’t it? They carve a mark on your heart, indelible. You can try to wipe the slate clean, but the dents will be there. A souvenir you never really knew you had until you found it.
-
one taught me patience
Navigating a relationship with another guy when you aren’t out to family is tricky.
It’s easy to tell your parents that he’s just a friend, someone you met during one of your classes, someone who takes care of you when family couldn’t. And they’re fine with it, of course they are, anything to keep their son safe while he’s away.
(Your sister knows, however. It’s one of your many secrets that she guards so carefully.)
Juyeon is patient. Juyeon is kind. You aren’t quite familiar with how the scripture goes, but you think there is some truth to it, even if you don’t believe in God. To you, Juyeon is the closest thing you have to the dictionary definition of love. Unerringly patient, even when you feel like you don’t deserve it.
But patience, as it turns out, can only go so far. It’s not the same as laying your identity and relationship bare. It’s not the same as having even just one foot out of the closet, an implicit promise that you’ll get out eventually. It’s tricky having that uncertainty.
Juyeon is patient, even in the aftermath of your relationship. Accepts every apology you offer and tells you that it’s okay. It’s not your fault you can’t be out yet, he says. You believe him.
-
one taught me pain
Younghoon got a boyfriend.
You tell yourself it’s not a big deal; you never confessed, never even hinted at the beginnings of a crush. When Chanhee arrives at the cafe and finds you squeezed into one of the booths at the back, away from everyone else, he sits beside you.
(For someone who only doles out physical affection when he feels like it, Chanhee is good at sensing when you need it the most.)
“You OK?” He asks, hugging your arm.
“Kind of? It’s not a big deal.”
“Is this about Younghoon?”
You blink at him. “How did you know?”
“You only talk to one person at a time,” he says. He leans his head on your shoulder. “You kind of suck at putting yourself out there.”
You sigh and attempt to pull your arm back. “I should’ve just called Changmin hyung,” you say, not unkindly.
Chanhee laughs and pulls you closer. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” You glare at him. “OK, not really. But seriously, what happened?”
“He got a boyfriend.”
“What?” Chanhee sits up straight. “While you were seeing each other?”
“It’s weird when you put it that way,” you say. “I didn’t even confess. He probably didn’t think I was interested.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s nothing. You still liked—like?—him. You’re still hurt.”
“Yeah.”
“OK, you know what? I’ll buy you a large iced chocolate.” He pats your arm and stands. “No need to pay me back.”
After he gets the money he needs, when he turns to leave, he says, “I mean it, Sunwoo.”
You stop fishing in your bag for your wallet. “OK, OK.”
-
now i’m so amazing
Jaehyun is, for lack of a better term, different.
You’re different now, too—older, wiser, and brave enough to come out to your family.
They take it well, if equal parts indifference and shock count as well. Well enough, maybe.
They meet Jaehyun. They ask about his job (law firm), his hometown (Songdo), how many siblings he has (an older sister, and does a dog count as a sibling?). They love Jaehyun. They love Darong, too, when he tags along.
You meet Jaehyun’s family. His sister jokes that she wishes she had you as a brother growing up. It’s a future you didn’t think you could have, so different from the way you’d tiptoe around other people about your identity, from the way you’d make your sister promise not to tell anybody about who you like. You hold Jaehyun’s hand in front of strangers. You introduce him to other people as your boyfriend. You join the Pride parade together. It’s like ticking items off a metaphorical gay bucket list, one by one, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
(“Sunwoo?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”)
pairings: past sangyeon/sunwoo, past juyeon/sunwoo, past younghoon/sunwoo, established hyunjae/sunwoo
rating: gen
word count: 956
other tags: non-famous, second person POV, based on thank u, next
A/N: so the what it isNt photoshoot happened... that's basically it... i also wanted to try writing in second person POV again after so long, so consider this as an experimental piece! it's also the outcome of a few writing sprints so it's pretty rough, but so is everything else on here honestly... i'm not sure if i'll ever write any of my longer fics like this but if it works then i might, we'll see :,)
one taught me love
You often hear about people with first love smiles.
Sangyeon—according to your totally impartial, unbiased, objective judgment—is one of those people. You think about his smile on a daily basis, the way it always always always reaches his eyes in sheer glee, and you wonder when you’ll be the recipient of that smile again.
“Text me when you get home, OK?” He asks.
“I will, hyung. Thank you.”
“Of course,” he says. Then he ruffles your hair and smiles (there it is). “Anything for my favorite dongsaeng.”
The thing is, you hear people talk about their first loves just as often. It’s either nothing happens or they don’t last. Sangyeon would be one of those people, too—you know nothing will come out of this. Nothing will happen, and that’s fine. First loves are meant to be placed on a pedestal; you admire them, you respect them, you don’t get any closer.
But Sangyeon is just this side of close enough, ticking off nearly every requirement to become someone’s first love: the boy next door, the class president, the varsity favorite. A heart as big as his dreams for himself. Textbook reasons you’d fall for someone.
And you carried that torch until you graduated. You never told him, he never found out. But even when your feelings finally ran their course, you never forgot about him.
And that’s the thing about first loves, isn’t it? They carve a mark on your heart, indelible. You can try to wipe the slate clean, but the dents will be there. A souvenir you never really knew you had until you found it.
one taught me patience
Navigating a relationship with another guy when you aren’t out to family is tricky.
It’s easy to tell your parents that he’s just a friend, someone you met during one of your classes, someone who takes care of you when family couldn’t. And they’re fine with it, of course they are, anything to keep their son safe while he’s away.
(Your sister knows, however. It’s one of your many secrets that she guards so carefully.)
Juyeon is patient. Juyeon is kind. You aren’t quite familiar with how the scripture goes, but you think there is some truth to it, even if you don’t believe in God. To you, Juyeon is the closest thing you have to the dictionary definition of love. Unerringly patient, even when you feel like you don’t deserve it.
But patience, as it turns out, can only go so far. It’s not the same as laying your identity and relationship bare. It’s not the same as having even just one foot out of the closet, an implicit promise that you’ll get out eventually. It’s tricky having that uncertainty.
Juyeon is patient, even in the aftermath of your relationship. Accepts every apology you offer and tells you that it’s okay. It’s not your fault you can’t be out yet, he says. You believe him.
one taught me pain
Younghoon got a boyfriend.
You tell yourself it’s not a big deal; you never confessed, never even hinted at the beginnings of a crush. When Chanhee arrives at the cafe and finds you squeezed into one of the booths at the back, away from everyone else, he sits beside you.
(For someone who only doles out physical affection when he feels like it, Chanhee is good at sensing when you need it the most.)
“You OK?” He asks, hugging your arm.
“Kind of? It’s not a big deal.”
“Is this about Younghoon?”
You blink at him. “How did you know?”
“You only talk to one person at a time,” he says. He leans his head on your shoulder. “You kind of suck at putting yourself out there.”
You sigh and attempt to pull your arm back. “I should’ve just called Changmin hyung,” you say, not unkindly.
Chanhee laughs and pulls you closer. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” You glare at him. “OK, not really. But seriously, what happened?”
“He got a boyfriend.”
“What?” Chanhee sits up straight. “While you were seeing each other?”
“It’s weird when you put it that way,” you say. “I didn’t even confess. He probably didn’t think I was interested.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s nothing. You still liked—like?—him. You’re still hurt.”
“Yeah.”
“OK, you know what? I’ll buy you a large iced chocolate.” He pats your arm and stands. “No need to pay me back.”
After he gets the money he needs, when he turns to leave, he says, “I mean it, Sunwoo.”
You stop fishing in your bag for your wallet. “OK, OK.”
now i’m so amazing
Jaehyun is, for lack of a better term, different.
You’re different now, too—older, wiser, and brave enough to come out to your family.
They take it well, if equal parts indifference and shock count as well. Well enough, maybe.
They meet Jaehyun. They ask about his job (law firm), his hometown (Songdo), how many siblings he has (an older sister, and does a dog count as a sibling?). They love Jaehyun. They love Darong, too, when he tags along.
You meet Jaehyun’s family. His sister jokes that she wishes she had you as a brother growing up. It’s a future you didn’t think you could have, so different from the way you’d tiptoe around other people about your identity, from the way you’d make your sister promise not to tell anybody about who you like. You hold Jaehyun’s hand in front of strangers. You introduce him to other people as your boyfriend. You join the Pride parade together. It’s like ticking items off a metaphorical gay bucket list, one by one, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
(“Sunwoo?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”)
no subject
I love that up until this line I was like oh this is so pretty oh that is so true oh no sunu you lovesick fool... then I got to this and everything slipped from my mind now I can only think OF COURSE HE'D ASK THAT!!! 😭 also the answer is yes. hyunjae you're so right for this ily
no but seriously, this was so sweet. your sunwoo... everything to me.
no subject
THANK YOU SESS i'm glad to know the #projection is getting somewhere...